[Insert Suitable Title Here, I Can't Think Of One]

It's a strange feeling.

I woke up this morning to the first day of my honeymoon. The thing is I was alone, I'm not on my honeymoon, and there was no wedding.

I have to wonder what type of person visits their bride-to-be the night before their wedding and says "I don't want to get married tomorrow, it just doesn't feel right. I want to postpone it" like it's just another dinner date that you can reschedule, no big deal. Without providing any real reason, nor any apology. Without listening to or giving a damn about anything I say. With no consideration to what many people had to go through to even be there (ie. time off work, airfares, accommodation, and family conflict). And then to patronise the now-not-future-bride by saying "It's the right decision, you'll see."

Excuse me? Could you not have decided this during the multiple times you asked to marry me? Or the twelve-month-long engagement? Or two nights earlier when you looked at the alternate venue that I had found which you then agreed to, saying it'd be good? Or 5 hours earlier that day when we'd met to discuss final plans? You can postpone a meeting. You can postpone a meal. You can even postpone a visit to your doctor (although you probably shouldn't). You can not postpone a wedding.

I'll admit that the final week or two before the wedding was tough, with issue upon issue arising. However when those issues are all ones that he was "taking care of" and I should "not worry about it", I do have to wonder if there wasn't a deliberate element, conscious or otherwise, of sabotage. And yet I, with the help of my mother and brother, found solutions to every single one of those problems. Solutions which were, apparently, simply not good enough. Which means, to my mind, that's it's just another promise that was not kept, with no intention of trying.

Via text I was asked "Do we still have a future together". I replied with "You tell me." He says "Nothing has changed for me. Has it for you". I reply "Of course it fkn has. Trust and respect for you have taken a beating. You have no idea what you've done to me". I thought I understated that quite well.

During our discussion the night before the non-wedding I told him he would have to contact the venue and the celebrant and tell them. I sent a text to my side of the list saying the wedding was off. My non-bridesmaids and I made some calls early the next morning to make sure the celebrant and venue knew... nope, no calls had been made. The celebrant was lovely, and I promised her that no matter what I have to do, I will pay her for her time and work thus far. The venue was trickier. We (ie. my mum) had paid a deposit just days earlier. They'd had chefs working late the night before making 900 canapes. They were, I think quite understandably, not happy.

My mum and brother decided to get together and work something out. My non-bridesmaids and I had mentioned maybe having a "I'm Not Getting Married" party. Ma and Bro decided that was a great idea to use the venue for, and they paid the whole fee for the planned ceremony/celebration party (several thousand $$). I'll be making sure that, somehow, they get their money repaid. I put the word out to my side of the guest list saying "Hi all. I've decided that as the bar is booked and they've made all the lovely food I'm going to have a little 'I'm not getting married' party. I'd love to see anyone who can make it. I'll be there from 3pm in my party dress."

Naturally some people who had planned to travel in on Saturday morning had canceled their plans when I advised that the wedding was off. They were truly apologetic that they wouldn't be able to make it (one couple had canceled their flights but couldn't cancel their hotel room, so kindly gave it to me for the night. Aren't they lovely?). Even so, more than half the people who were originally coming to the wedding turned up to the party. And it was a good party. Obviously we didn't eat all 900 canapes, but we did put a dent in them. And there was no way we were going to get through the whole bar tab. My girls helped me get ready and I had a great time and - looking around the room at all the people who were there, who had come through horrible weather and in some cases traveled across half the continent and more to be there for me, and support me - I felt incredibly lucky and blessed to have so many people who care so much for me. Although initially I thought I'd have been happier hiding under my doona in a dark room, the party was the best thing I could have done.

I've heard that my ex-father is very happy, nay delighted, that the wedding fell through, but I wouldn't expect much else from such a bigoted, self-involved garden-gnome of a man who's only ever been in my life when he felt like it, on his own terms.

So tell me, does a relationship survive something like this? How can it, when trust and respect have dwindled? Why should I even bother spending any more time, emotion and energy on someone who has done this to me? Aside from wanting answers, what's the point? I am furious, gutted, and embarrassed by the whole debacle. Why should I give someone who has made me feel like shit any kind of chance?

==

Aside from all of that, I need to thank Sarah and Diana. I can't tell you everything they've done for me, but just know that I'm never going to forget what they've done over the past 48 hours, and earlier. I need to thank my mum and my brother, who are the two most special people in my life, who make me so proud to call them family, for their unwavering support. I need to thank Rosemary and Mike for donating their hotel room to me. I need to thank the paternal uncles who came to the party for being there for me despite other pressure on them to not come at all. I need to thank my maternal uncles for keeping me laughing all night with their antics. I need to thank everyone who came to the party. I need to thank everyone who sent messages/texts full of kind words and support. And I need to thank Diane at r.bar in Port Melbourne for her hard work in arranging a function with 3 days notice, and her kindness on the night after all the stuffing around. The service was great, the food was spectacular, and I'll definitely be back for dinner again and again. Diane, you and your staff are wonderful, thank you for a lovely night.

French Toast (again), Sweet-style

You might remember my last post on french toast (holy skulking bad guys, Batman, that was a long time ago!). This is my latest. I hadn't ever had this before, but thinking about the flavours, I really hoped it'd work.

Again, I didn't really plan this well, so instead of extra-thick-cut slutty-white-bread I had to use my usual sandwich-cut multigrain. But hey, that means it's healthy, right? Right?!

So, for just li'l old me, I lightly beat 2 eggs (for me, at least free range, if not organic) with a splosh of milk and dunked a slice of bread in until it was well and truly soaked. While it was cooking in the pan I grabbed some vanilla yoghurt (I prefer Jalna) from the fridge and mixed a generous swirl of maple syrup through it. I took the first piece of bread out of the pan and put in on a plate, then dunked another piece of bread in the egg mix and got that cooking.

While THAT one was cooking I added another squeeze of maple syrup to the leftover egg mix, sliced up half a banana, and tossed the pieces through the egg mix. Once the second piece of bread was done I put it on top of the first piece of bread. Then I threw the banana slices into the pan and dribbled some of the egg over the top. After half a minute I flipped the banana slices over. Another half minute and off went the heat.

Now to assemble. I dribbled the yoghurt over the top of the french toast. I dumped the banana slices on top (mmm semi-firm on the outside, warm and gooey on the inside). Hm, it was missing something... I know, another dollop of maple syrup over the top!


Almost gives ya a toothache just lookin' at it, don't it? Actually, while the was ample sweetness, the tang of the yoghurt cut through it nicely and saved it from being sickly.

So after all that, did the flavours mix as well as I'd hoped they would?


What do you think?

Pumpkin (and other stuff) Soup

What is it about soup that can be so warming and comforting? On a rainy day, or when I'm feeling sick, I seem to crave the stuff. I'm not a big fan of the canned stuff, though, no matter how home-style the ads say some are. That being said, I do keep a can or two in the drawer at work for lunch emergencies. In any case, soup can be SO easy to make, it kinda makes me wonder why some people have never attempted it.

I started out with a butternut pumpkin, a decent-sized orange sweet potato, and a knob of ginger. I prefer to roast the vegies, I think it adds to the flavour. I also add a sprinkling of Vegeta (damn I like that stuff). I also roasted a knob of ginger, although I think, in future, I won't. And I'll also use a LOT less of it (as in, not even slim a cm-worth as the ginger came through quite strongly).


After that, into the pot with them, and a date with the masher.


I like to use evaporated milk. I think it gives, aside from the obvious creamy flavour, a silkier texture. For this amount of vegies I usually add at least one can of evaporated milk, a little at a time, and pureeing it with a stick blender to keep it smooth.


And I keep adding and pureeing until it's the consistency I like. I just adore how easy this stuff is to make.


I ended up not getting to actually eat any of this... I taste-tested it throughout the preparation, but gave it all away to friends! Oh dear, I'll just have to go make some more. Hm, maybe split pea, lentil and ham. Yum.

Double-crumbed veal with steamed veg

I tend to shy away from cooking pieces of red meat - sometimes I get it right, but sometimes it ends up so tough that it does a good impression of a all-day doggy chew-toy. Thankfully, I think through sheer stubbornness/perseverance, it appears I'm slowly starting to get it right more often than not.

So, what do you do when you buy a bunch of groceries to make a stir-fry, but then it doesn't happen? You double-crumb the steak, steam the vegies, and make up a gravy with the pan juices.

Then you eat it and exclaim how [insert expletive] good it is, and how happy you are with yourself! :-) Sadly I was far too hungry to even attempt to make it look more appetising, but hey, when it's just me here it's more about taste than looks, right?

T'ain't Purty, But's Danged Tasty

Tonight's dinner was truly a new level of half-assery. A kiev from Wishbone, cous cous from the cupboard, a few "red back" potatoes, an orange sweet potato, garlic, salt, oil, and some Vegeta.

Wash potatoes, toss with peeled chopped sweet potatoes in some olive oil, Vegeta, garlic and salt. Throw 'em on an oven tray and start baking 'em at 180C.

15 minutes later put the kiev in on a different tray. 15 minutes after that turn the kiev over. 15 minutes after THAT boil the kettle. Put half a cup of boiling water in a bowl with a slick of olive oil and a shake of Vegeta. Measure out half a cup of cous cous and put that into the water. Stir it all around, whack a plate on top to cover the bowl and leave it for a few minutes. Fluff it up with a fork, add a little butter, then back on with the plate for another few minutes. Fluff it again, then dump it on the plate.

Take the kiev and veg out of the oven. Serve 'em up on top. To be extra bad pour any garlicy buttery liquids from the kiev over the top. Eat. Mmmmm.


Keeping in mind the picture really doesn't do the meal credit, and I actually split what's in the plate in half, eating one half and putting the other in a container for lunch tomorrow, I don't think it was such a bad effort for a Sunday night, after a VERY sleepless Saturday night. Meh, if I'm the only one that's gotta eat it, and I enjoy it, it's good enough. Right?